You live cannabis. You breathe cannabis. You know everything there is to know about cannabis, from seed to smoke. But sometimes even chronic stoners get it wrong. And rookies – well, there’s a reason they call them rookies.
That’s why we present this handy list of five common marijuana mistakes. You shouldn’t feel bad if you’re guilty of one or two, even if you’ve toked for years. Just try not to get all these things wrong.
1. Pissing off your dealer
Don’t do it or you may not get any weed for a while. Finding a new dealer is harder than respecting boundaries, so make an effort to stay on your dealer’s good side.
If he has a bad side, and you see a lot of it, it’s probably time to get a new dealer. But you shouldn’t treat him as anything other than a business contact, someone who provides a valuable product in return for cash. If you genuinely become friends, fine, but don’t assume that you are.
Whatever you do, don’t talk about your dealer to other people. Never share your dealer’s name or any other identifying details, even with a friend who’s looking for a hook-up. Especially with a friend who’s looking for a hook-up.
2. Putting your lips around the bong
Your lips go inside. Inside the bong. You’re inhaling smoke out of the thing, not giving it a blowjob.
The idea is to create an airtight seal around the mouth of the bong so smoke doesn’t escape before it reaches your lungs. It’s harder to do that if you suck the pipe from the outside. This is a very common beginner’s mistake, but we stoners learn quickly, so doing it once isn’t a party foul.
Otherwise, the mechanics of a bong are pretty simple. Don’t fill the chamber too high. Clean your ash catcher. Don’t drop the thing. And please, mind your lips.
3. Drinking bong water
No, really, this happens. No one is quite sure why, but pot smokers occasionally get it into their heads that there must be something magical about that water.
There isn’t. The only chemicals that collect in bong water are the chemicals you don’t want to inhale, plus some soggy, greasy ash. You might leave a small amount of THC in the water, but not enough that you should try to get it back.
Probably you’ll just throw up if you drink bong water. You won’t get high, that’s for sure. And you could waste a day better spent using a bong the way it’s intended.
4. Eating too much weed
OK, this could happen to anyone. But if it’s your first time using edibles, you can save yourself the trouble by eating moderate amounts and then waiting for at least half an hour.
THC takes effect more slowly when you eat it than it does when you smoke it. That means you need to give your brownies, candy, or whatever enough time to sink in. You may not feel the full effects until as long as an hour after eating.
If you don’t know this, and you get frustrated by how long it’s taking to get high, you may eat much more than you should. And that can land you in bed all night with a panic attack.
5. Asking your budtender for a hook-up
Your local budtender has one job and one job only, as far as customers are concerned: Selling quality weed to people who want or need it. She’s not there to cut you a break or get you pot on the cheap.
If you want to treat your weed provider like a regular old dealer, go back to the black market and get a regular old dealer. That’s not what a budtender does.
Instead, you should treat your budtender like a well-informed bartender or barista. She’s a professional, off limits to customers. That means no hitting on your budtender, either; it’s just bad form.