The Dos and Don’ts of Smoking Up

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It isn’t terribly hard to figure out how to smoke marijuana. Countless first-timers do it every day, from teenagers burning low-end Mexican brick in the girls’ bathroom to senior citizens who have never touched a bong before in their lives.

Still, there are a few general rules it’s wise to know. Actually, call them guidelines. Getting these wrong probably won’t earn you any enemies or wreck your reputation, but it could lead to some mild embarrassment. So here are the dos and don’ts of getting baked on weed.

DO: Puff, puff, pass

This is a pretty simple policy: When you’re passing a joint or bowl around a smoking circle (bongo drums optional), you should hang onto it just long enough to pull back a couple puffs, then pass it along. One puff and you’re not getting your full share of the weed; three and you’re just being greedy.

Some stoners will tell you you must pass to the left, others to the right. But that bit of etiquette is so disputed and unimportant you can afford to ignore it. Besides, anyone that’s so obsessive that they’re bothered by a pass in the wrong direction probably isn’t someone you want to toke with.

Friends smoking weed

DON’T: Bogart a joint

As an extension of puff, puff, pass, avoid slobbering all over the J as it goes around the circle. This is a rule everyone is familiar with, as it also applies to cigarettes, vape pens, and water fountains, but a surprising number of potheads fail to observe it. So don’t be gross – you’re sucking on a joint, not a . . . well, you get the idea.

DO: Share

As always in life, don’t be selfish. If you find yourself in the company of fellow stoners and they’re temporarily out of the good stuff, offer to share. You don’t have to be a mark, and you should only split what you can afford. But try to build some good karma; you may need it someday.

DON’T: Expect others to do the same

If your smoking friends are so stingy they won’t share with you when you’re in need, maybe they’re not really friends. Be a good person, but don’t be a martyr. Recreational stoners who can’t afford the marijuana¬†they smoke should probably reconsider their financial priorities, and you won’t help them by saving them some money. The point is to uphold pothead culture and its altruistic leanings, not to be a sucker.

DO: Get high at the planetarium

Whoever built the world’s first planetarium had to be a pothead. Indeed, once you’ve reached the age of 20, there is no reason to go to a planetarium except to get baked and stare at twinkling lights on the ceiling. Sometimes there are even lasers.

DON’T: Drive to the planetarium

Seriously, don’t toke and drive. The odds you’ll kill someone are much lower than they would be if you got behind the wheel drunk, but they’re still pretty high. Also, jail kind of sucks.

Leave a comment: Have you ever made a stoner mistake that got you in trouble? Tell us about it below.

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