December is bad enough, and February can drag on into a wintry eternity. But there is probably no month quite so despised in North America as January. Even the warmest climes get colder. Sunlight declines, and with it vitamin D levels, and with them our collective mood and outlook on life.
But there are cures for the winter blues, and if you’re reading this, you’re probably more than a little familiar with one of them. So how to make the best of a joint in January? And where best to huff it down? Here are a few ideas.
The Ski Slope
Weed makes you warmer. Actually, there’s no scientific evidence to back this up, but anyone who has ever used the stuff could tell you it’s true, if only in the imagination. Not that we’re recommending you light up, shed your layers, and ski naked, but a joint can sure take some of the frigid edge off.
So where better to toke than a quiet spot between the trees on the side of a difficult run? Make it a tough one so you’re less likely to bother families on the bunny hill, and wait until you’re a bit below the top before sparking up. Not that anyone will care (ski bums tend to be stoners), but it’s always best to be polite.
No such etiquette applies in an ice house in the middle of a frozen lake in January. Booze, weed, almost anything short of PCP is acceptable, as long as your companions are tolerant. Just keep it indoors – which won’t be hard, given that you’re in the middle of a frozen lake in January.
Ice fishing isn’t really about ice fishing. If it were, everyone who tried it would die of boredom. It’s really about getting alone, away from the world, relaxing, and drinking, swearing, and smoking in the company of like-minded layabouts. And that makes it a great place to get baked, no matter the temperature.
January romance beckons at the ice skating rink, assuming you live near one. North of the Mason-Dixon Line, you almost certainly do. And probably south of it, too.
If so, it’s an ideal locale for a joint or a bowl or whatever else you can fit in your coat pocket. But you’ve got to be a little adept to pull this off, as there is usually someone keeping an eye out for pot smokers and other reprobates. A car in the parking lot can work, or maybe a patch of trees behind the rink. Wherever you do it, don’t overdo it: You’ll still have to stay standing on the ice.
Any scenario involving horses is usually a great time to grab a puff. That’s especially true when you’re riding behind one, alone with someone special – or at least someone special enough to share your weed with.
Hay rides really only work when it’s cold, and that means there probably won’t be many of them left in a few decades. So enjoy a J in a stack of hay this winter, before global warming ruins it for everyone. Just be careful when you light the thing: Hay burns.