Sometimes all you want to do is get baked, turn your sofa into a pillow fort, and fall asleep watching The Muppets Take Manhattan on loop. Other times, damnit, you want to get high and get something done.
In that spirit, here are four afternoon chores that pair just right with a fat boy. Pour a cup of strong coffee, roll your favorite sativa, and put on your walking shoes. It’s time to conquer your to do list in style!
Nothing sparks culinary creativity like the munchies. Baking while baked ensures flavor will be at the top of your head as you craft a meal; getting baked while baking ensures you’ll have an unending supply of snacks to keep the hunger under control.
Just, you know, watch the flame. Most ranges are relatively fool proof, but that won’t stop the occasional pothead halfwit from burning down his apartment while boiling eggs. If you’re going to mix weed and gas burners, keep both to a reasonable minimum.
By running, we mean walking. If it’s your day to drive Nana to her bingo game across town, put that blunt down. Toking behind the wheel is relatively safe, as impaired driving goes, but it’s still impaired driving, and that’s still a big, bad crime.
But if you can tackle your errands via sidewalk, bus, taxi, or train, a nice blast of THC could make the difference between drudgery and a day blessed with (small) adventures. Even the act of paying a traffic ticket at City Hall can be hugely satisfying when you might be the highest person in the building.
Mowing the lawn
Is there any chore more perfectly suited to getting stoned than a day on a ride-on lawnmower? Hell, even if you have to push, there’s no better mix of nature, self-expression, and psychoactive drugs. Whether you’re the type who ignores entire swaths of lawn or the type who mows with tweezers, you’ll find peace in the sun and fresh-cut grass.
The same goes for any kind of outdoor gardening. It’s one of the world’s most popular hobbies, and for good reason. You don’t have to grow weed, either: In fact, most garden plants are much easier to cultivate. But what you learn planting tomatoes will also teach you plenty about planting cannabis, should you ever change your mind.
Cleaning the house
There’s no doubt it’s a lot more fun to clean your house when you’re high. Granted, that’s true of almost any activity, but it’s especially true of “spring” cleaning, regardless of the actual season.
If you’re a human being over the age of 40, odds are good that intense housecleaning is a painful experience. Back aches, muscle pains, and the other infirmities of middle age make it hard to sweep, mop, and scrub every corner. Weed can help with this: It effectively treats many types of pain, including common forms of arthritis.
But even better, a good clean-out can give you the opportunity to approach your home with a fresh, creative mind. Sick of the way that stack of shoes looks in the closet? Spark a J and dream up something better. Unhappy with the wallpaper in the kitchen? Replace it – and use the opportunity as an excuse to smoke even more pot.