Some people, you can just tell they smoke weed. Maybe they wear leaves proudly on their T-shirts. Maybe they have that blissed-out version of the 1,000-yard stare. Maybe they just can’t shut up about how fucking awesome these tacos are.

Other people, it’s obvious they need to smoke some dope, right now. These are the world’s tightwads, the people who can never seem to relax and just let the world flow by. They are good people, most of them, but there’s just something about them you know could be fixed with a little THC.

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton

It’s not the politics, trust us. Hillary Clinton is easily one of the most weed-friendly candidates in the 2016 presidential race. She hasn’t come out in support of full legalization (neither has anyone else), but she has offered strong support for medical pot and has promised to keep an open mind about ending prohibition completely.

Still, those pants, suits, that hair, those smart but always stern speeches, that sometimes irritating sincerity – the woman clearly needs to let loose every once in a while. It’s not like she hasn’t earned it: She’s been first lady, senator, and secretary of state – all while putting up with her husband. Someone hand Hillary a bowl, stat.

Kim Davis

Kim Davis

If you don’t know who Kim Davis is by now, thank your lucky stars there was a brief period when you didn’t. Davis is the Kentucky county clerk who landed herself in jail on contempt charges after refusing repeatedly to issue legal marriage licenses to gay couples.

David has managed to build something of a professional martyrdom out of her case, rallying Christian conservatives and even scoring an ill-planned meeting with the pope. She’s done pretty well for herself, in terms of political exposure.

But have you seen this lady? A quick glance at a photo in the news (see right) will tell you how badly Davis needs to suck down a burner. Uptight doesn’t begin to describe her, what she looks like, or the kind of life she has apparently chosen to live. Maybe an ounce of icky would set her straight. Maybe not, but anything is worth a try.

Jerry Brown

California Governor Jerry Brown

Jerry Brown is obviously no stranger to marijuana. He’s famously liberal, to the point his Republican foes labeled him “Governor Moonbeam” when he first ran California back in the 1970s. The name stuck, and it does a pretty good job of summing up his leftist record.

These days, now that he’s at the helm again, Gov. Brown clearly needs some stress relief. California is smack in the middle of the worst drought in its history, and the wildfires are almost as bad. They’re everywhere: Earlier this summer, a brush fire raged across an active freeway, forcing terrified motorists to run for their lives. Forest fires have decimated large swaths of land in several areas, destroying homes and businesses (not to mention cannabis farms).

So let’s give Jerry some time off and a little green to ease his mind. He seems to be doing a pretty bang-up job this time around, so he definitely has a fat boy coming.


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