Since the counterculture of the late 1960s, those who indulged in recreational marijuana have been decidedly non-conformist. They took to communes, joined every anti-war protest in sight and embraced radical chic.
Five decades later, the remnants of the hippies exist in a variety of bongs and pipes that are colorful in their sheer variety and intimidating in shock value. This sampler list is illustrative.
Downers – With these pill-looking pipes, join the campaign against painkiller mega doses and “plant-derived cannabinoids”, the pharmaceutical industry’s strategy to preempt medical marijuana plantations where legal today.
Exhibit A (A.K.A. the Chong Bong) – Artistic to a fault because the millefiori centerpiece (“thousand flowers”) depicts creator Tommy Chong. This elaborate bong landed the singer and actor in jail for pushing the envelope with “Nice Dreams”, an e-commerce operation that sold bongs and other drug paraphernalia over the internet, even to underage teens back when no laws permitted any legal use whatsoever.
O Holy Nugs – Irreverent treatment by glass artist Tammy Ball who reinvented the Nativity with blown glass and used street slang for hemp plugs.
Eye Scream – The disfigured glass figurine is missing an ear, an eyelid, one eyeball and a right arm. Trust me, one or two puffs is all you can endure before you conclude “An Eye for A High” is a mind-searing experience.
Zombie Hitler – No mistaking the Hitler mustache. But offensive nonetheless for confronting one’s smoking cronies with a stitched-over eye and a missing right eyeball.
Bad Attitude – Crude design and even cruder ethics. Instead of showing off with a pleasant high, you have to wonder why everyone, yourself included, is offended. There is no forgiving the insult from Sesame Street’s Oscar the Grouch: “Have a rotten day! And see if I care!”
Porn Pipes – Any red-blooded male realizes with glee where to put his mouth on these spread-eagled ladies. A brilliant idea.
Bringing Up The Rear – The infamous glass “Butt Bong” X-rated film actress Jennifer Steele demonstrated on The Howard Stern Show. Except one needs the manufacturer’s instructions on whether the “Butt Bong” should be used front or back. Good for a 3-way maybe? And is that yellow residue dried cannabis or something wicked?
Get to the Point – There’s real risk in carrying this pipe-weapon in these days of police frisk-and-search. Nice for starting conversations but don’t go carrying in Ferguson or Baltimore after dark.
Smoking Gun – It’s too realistic. Even your good friends and family will conclude your pot habit has finally sent you over the bend and plead that they love you no matter what.
Hand Gun-ja – Another variation on the theme of handguns. No waiting time or background check required. But my, those cannabis plugs can get expensive if you try to tamp down all you can into the magazine “pipe bowl.”
High Explosives – A little more elaborate than usual. The bong for the militarily inclined. Makes every fan wonder what happens when you pull the pin on the grenade.
President O-Bong-a – Does the Democratic White House secretly support cannabis? A flight of fancy.